The cheese danish from the office vending machine met my expectations, despite the sticky mess I made of myself while eating it. Here's my full review of the cheese danish, by Cloverhill Bakery.
Just when it seemed the National "You're A Racist" Association was running out of people to accuse of racism, two public figures in Houston said and did some racisty stuff, guaranteeing another few weeks of outrage and self-righteous activism.
The comments section of a Facebook post are a fountain of wisdom and enlightenment. It's a place where the most brilliant minds share their profound knowledge and insight. Read this post to learn how some Facebook comments changed Richard's life.
The courageous social fighters at ESPN declared in a public statement today that adverbs ending in “ly” will no longer by spoken by ESPN anchors nor published in ESPN articles due to their similar pronunciation to the name of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Adverbs such as “quickly,” “actually” and “definitely” are hereby banned by [...]
BOULDER, COLORADO - It was another disappointing day in the life of Emerson. The 8-year old Golden Labrador spent today like he spends most days...staring out the window, imagining the awesome life he could’ve lived if only he had a different owner. 33-year old Jeremy Gibbens is the sorry excuse for a human who owns [...]
A new study by the National Research Group confirmed what many experts already suspected: an overwhelming majority of teenage girls can't even. Results of the study triggered widespread panic as parents and educators began to wonder what they’re doing wrong. Shayla Macklin is the mother of two teenage girls; Becca, 16 and Addison, 14. Although [...]
Those greedy corporate thieves at Popeyes must think I was born yesterday. Well let me tell you something, you stingy sellers of delicious chicken...I may be out of shape, financially limited and too lazy to prepare healthy meals for myself...but I'm no dummy. I know exactly what you're up to and I'm not gonna let [...]
Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, ladies who were once men, former ladies who are now men and everyone else who’s still in transition...it’s a great day for football! I’m Herb Chandler, here along with Frank Potter and we’re excited to bring you another fantastic matchup between two great teams; the Dallas Cowpersons face the Washington Native [...]
In a stunning development that took many in D.C. by surprise, Amazon announced its purchase of the nation’s capital for $20 trillion. The sale is reported to include every department and all three branches of the US federal government. Not only is Amazon now the rightful owner of Congress, the Pentagon, the White House and [...]
To my fellow lords of the underworld and corporate boardrooms...I bid you greetings. I hope you’re having a fantastic week of dominion and mind-control over the masses. As you know, we have a meeting scheduled for this upcoming Monday at 8pm. But this appointed time is creating conflicts for several of our fellow Illuminati brothers. [...]
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK - In the 12 years that Doris Johnson has kept Polly as a pet, she has never noticed any targeted crapping by her beloved green parrot. But that all changed this week when Doris lined the bottom of Polly’s cage with a recent copy of the New York Times. “I don’t pay [...]
Here are 10 phrases I hate. You may hate them too. Or perhaps there are other phrases that bother you. Tell me which phrases you dislike in the comments below. Here are mine in ascending order of hatred: 10. EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG... If you've graduated from junior high school...you shouldn't be using this phrase [...]