ESPN Bans Adverbs Ending in “ly” Because They Sound Like “Robert E. Lee”

The courageous social fighters at ESPN declared in a public statement today that adverbs ending in “ly” will no longer by spoken by ESPN anchors nor published in ESPN articles due to their similar pronunciation to the name of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Adverbs such as “quickly,” “actually” and “definitely” are hereby banned by [...]

2017-08-26T19:10:22-05:00August 23, 2017|HUMOR, NEWS & CULTURE, SPORTS|

Dog Embarrassed By His Pathetic Owner

BOULDER, COLORADO - It was another disappointing day in the life of Emerson. The 8-year old Golden Labrador spent today like he spends most days...staring out the window, imagining the awesome life he could’ve lived if only he had a different owner. 33-year old Jeremy Gibbens is the sorry excuse for a human who owns [...]

2017-07-18T11:25:20-05:00July 18, 2017|HUMOR|

Report: 78% of Teenage Girls Can’t Even

A new study by the National Research Group confirmed what many experts already suspected: an overwhelming majority of teenage girls can't even. Results of the study triggered widespread panic as parents and educators began to wonder what they’re doing wrong. Shayla Macklin is the mother of two teenage girls; Becca, 16 and Addison, 14. Although [...]

2017-07-13T17:41:32-05:00July 13, 2017|HUMOR|

Dallas Cowpersons vs. Washington Native Americans – A Preview of the NFL in 2040

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, ladies who were once men, former ladies who are now men and everyone else who’s still in transition...it’s a great day for football! I’m Herb Chandler, here along with Frank Potter and we’re excited to bring you another fantastic matchup between two great teams; the Dallas Cowpersons face the Washington Native [...]

2017-07-12T08:13:03-05:00July 3, 2017|HUMOR, SPORTS|

Monday’s Illuminati Meeting to Be Rescheduled

To my fellow lords of the underworld and corporate boardrooms...I bid you greetings. I hope you’re having a fantastic week of dominion and mind-control over the masses. As you know, we have a meeting scheduled for this upcoming Monday at 8pm. But this appointed time is creating conflicts for several of our fellow Illuminati brothers. [...]

2017-06-26T16:42:08-05:00June 24, 2017|HUMOR|

10 Phrases I Hate

Here are 10 phrases I hate. You may hate them too. Or perhaps there are other phrases that bother you. Tell me which phrases you dislike in the comments below. Here are mine in ascending order of hatred: 10. EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG... If you've graduated from junior high school...you shouldn't be using this phrase [...]

2017-06-15T12:35:09-05:00June 15, 2017|HUMOR, LANGUAGE|