ESPN Bans Adverbs Ending in “ly” Because They Sound Like “Robert E. Lee”

2017-08-26T19:10:22-04:00August 23, 2017|HUMOR, NEWS & CULTURE, SPORTS|

The courageous social fighters at ESPN declared in a public statement today that adverbs ending in “ly” will no longer by spoken by ESPN anchors nor published in ESPN articles due to their similar pronunciation to the name of Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Adverbs such as “quickly,” “actually” and “definitely” are hereby banned by [...]

Dog Embarrassed By His Pathetic Owner

2017-07-18T11:25:20-04:00July 18, 2017|HUMOR|

BOULDER, COLORADO - It was another disappointing day in the life of Emerson. The 8-year old Golden Labrador spent today like he spends most days...staring out the window, imagining the awesome life he could’ve lived if only he had a different owner. 33-year old Jeremy Gibbens is the sorry excuse for a human who owns [...]

Report: 78% of Teenage Girls Can’t Even

2017-07-13T17:41:32-04:00July 13, 2017|HUMOR|

A new study by the National Research Group confirmed what many experts already suspected: an overwhelming majority of teenage girls can't even. Results of the study triggered widespread panic as parents and educators began to wonder what they’re doing wrong. Shayla Macklin is the mother of two teenage girls; Becca, 16 and Addison, 14. Although [...]

Dallas Cowpersons vs. Washington Native Americans – A Preview of the NFL in 2040

2017-07-12T08:13:03-04:00July 3, 2017|HUMOR, SPORTS|

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, ladies who were once men, former ladies who are now men and everyone else who’s still in’s a great day for football! I’m Herb Chandler, here along with Frank Potter and we’re excited to bring you another fantastic matchup between two great teams; the Dallas Cowpersons face the Washington Native [...]

Monday’s Illuminati Meeting to Be Rescheduled

2017-06-26T16:42:08-04:00June 24, 2017|HUMOR|

To my fellow lords of the underworld and corporate boardrooms...I bid you greetings. I hope you’re having a fantastic week of dominion and mind-control over the masses. As you know, we have a meeting scheduled for this upcoming Monday at 8pm. But this appointed time is creating conflicts for several of our fellow Illuminati brothers. [...]

10 Phrases I Hate

2017-06-15T12:35:09-04:00June 15, 2017|HUMOR, LANGUAGE|

Here are 10 phrases I hate. You may hate them too. Or perhaps there are other phrases that bother you. Tell me which phrases you dislike in the comments below. Here are mine in ascending order of hatred: 10. EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG... If you've graduated from junior high shouldn't be using this phrase [...]