Trump Currently Winning an Epic Game of Risk

The White House press corps and multiple sources are reporting that President Trump and his inner circle of advisers have been locked in a game of Risk for at least two weeks. At the time this post was published, Trump was in the lead with a solid stronghold in Asia. White House staffers suspect he will soon move into Europe where Steve Bannon has only a few troops.

It was Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who first proposed the idea of playing the strategic game to come up with solutions for all the real crises around the world…and also to familiarize Trump with a world map.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, this is yuge,” said the 45th President of the United States as he looked over the board. “I can’t help but to notice there’s a massive country just to the south of China. And the name of that country is India. So I want someone to answer this question; ‘If the name of their country is India, why do they insist on being called ‘Native Americans?’ It makes no sense. Why can’t we just call them ‘Indians?'”

“And don’t get me started on the name they prefer to be called. I mean…Native Americans? Really? That’s ridiculous. First of all, India’s on the other side of the world and I bet most of them have never even been to America. So no…I’m not calling them Native Americans anymore. Don’t get me wrong…they’re tremendous people, but with all due respect…they’re Indians.”

The United States ambassador to India was called to the White House later that afternoon to be informed of the change.

THE REAL REASON TRUMP BOMBED AFGHANISTAN

Historians will look back at 2017 and conclude that Trump’s decision to bomb Afghanistan was a calculated effort to kill ISIS militants. But the truth is that Trump, after losing several territories in the Risk game, declared aloud that if anyone took another country from him, he would drop a bomb on that country in real life.

Chief of Staff Reince Priebus assumed that Trump was joking. He moved enough troops into the Afghanistan territory to take it away from Trump. That was Wednesday night. On Thursday night, reports circulated around the world that America had dropped its biggest non-nuclear bomb in the western Afghanistan province of Nangarhar. The blast killed 36 ISIS soldiers, 0 civilians and also destroyed a critical network of ISIS tunnels.

Chief of Staff Priebus abruptly abandoned his plans of challenging the President’s positions in Britain and France.

TWEETS EXPLAINED

Trump ignited a blaze of international anxiety when a few of his tweets seemed to declare his intentions of going to war in Asia. But it was unnecessary for the nations of the world to panic. Trump was simply live-tweeting his moves in the Risk game:

Of course, the media outlets and leaders of the world had no idea Trump was playing Risk:

His next few tweets certainly didn’t calm anyone’s nerves:

2017-04-14T19:25:42+00:00 April 14, 2017|HUMOR, POLITICS|

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