3rd Piece of Popeyes 3-Piece Combo Just a Stupid, Meatless Wing

Those greedy corporate thieves at Popeyes must think I was born yesterday. Well let me tell you something, you stingy sellers of delicious chicken…I may be out of shape, financially limited and too lazy to prepare healthy meals for myself…but I’m no dummy.

I know exactly what you’re up to and I’m not gonna let you get away with it. I’m calling you out. If I wasn’t so busy with my life, I’d drive on over to Popeyes headquarters and personally say all this to your chicken-stuffed faces. But for now, this angry post will have to do.

I hope someone shares this with you. And as you scroll down on your cell phones to continue reading it, I hope your fingers are greasy from the chicken you just ate and now your screen is all nasty and greasy. That’s what you get for leading us to believe your 3-piece combo actually includes 3 pieces of chicken. It does not! It includes two tasty pieces of chicken and one skinny, meatless chicken wing that nobody wants. LIES!!

Yes, literally speaking…a wing is a “piece” of the chicken. This little technicality is probably how you avoid the legal consequences of your dishonest marketing. But when we walk in your restaurant and sit our fat asses down in your plastic booths, you know darn well that’s not the piece of the chicken we want!

I expect this kind of deception at gas stations. I glance at the price of a gallon on the sign and it says “Regular: $2.70” or some other price in big numbers. And I think to myself “ok so these 10 gallons should cost me $27.” But no, it never turns out that way and you already know why. Just to the right of the price is a ridiculous 9/10, which means each gallon actually costs $2.70 and nine tenths of a penny, which is pretty much an extra penny.  So these 10 gallons are really going to cost me $27.09.

But here’s the thing, Popeyes…it’s just a penny. All gas stations do it and I can live with this small deception. You, on the other hand, are promising three pieces of chicken and delivering only two! 33% of your combo is a lie! That useless wing doesn’t count. This is a huge deception and I’m not just gonna sit here in silence and ignore it any longer.

After eating your 3-piece combo, I look like a crazy fool searching for something else to eat because I’m still one-thirds hungry. All of my hunger could’ve been satisfied if you’d simply given me the three plump pieces of chicken that I see on your menu. THAT’S what I ordered.

It’s the same story every time. I throw down 9 hard-earned dollars on your counter so I can eat the three pieces of chicken in that picture. I sit down and prepare myself mentally for the greasy mess I’m about to make of myself. The lady calls my number. I go and get the order, bring it back to my table. I open up the box excited to see my three pieces, but nah. It’s just a box of greasy disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong…I totally enjoy the non-disappointing chicken. I devour the two big pieces like a wild animal, pieces of chicken bone and skin flying all over the place. I consume the biscuit and the red beans and rice like a starving man.

But just at the moment when I would normally start eating the third piece of chicken, I realize it’s just a dumb wing. Having already eaten the juicy thigh and drumstick, there’s now more meat stuck in my teeth than there is on the wing. At this point of the meal, I have neither the focus or the motivation to scrape those little bones to get the little meat they have to offer.

When I’m in the mood for wings, I go to a place that only serves wings. But the mood for eating wings is entirely different than the mood for eating fried chicken. Wing eaters purposefully want their meal to take a long time. They’re watching sports, drinking lots of beer, hanging out with friends and having a good time. So they order wings by the dozens…DOZENS! And why is that? Why do they have to order so many of them?

BECAUSE THERE IS VERY LITTLE MEAT ON CHICKEN WINGS!

When I go to Popeyes, I’m not there to hang out. I’m not there to watch sports or to socialize. I’m there for one reason…to be filled with spicy chicken. I expect nothing more and nothing less. You want my 9 dollars more than you want your chicken and I want your chicken more than I want my 9 dollars. That’s the way it’s always been between us and I’ve always been happy with that arrangement.

A friend suggested that I simply buy the 4-piece combo, which theoretically will include three big pieces and the useless wing (I’m assuming this deception is occurring at every level of your menu). But at least this way, I’ll get the three big pieces I want and then I’ll just toss the wing.

Let’s just forget the obvious fact that buying the 4-piece is going to cost me more money…I could live with that. The real problem is that I’m now ordering extra food to account for this little scheme you’ve got going on. I don’t have time for your mind games, you Cajun conmen!

I’ve always enjoyed the Gulf-coast atmosphere of your restaurants, the Louisiana-style decor with Louie Armstrong trumpeting through the speakers. It makes me feel like I’m in the heart of New Orleans. But lately I feel like a tourist who just got mugged on Bourbon Street.

I don’t know when you changed, Popeyes. But you need to make this right. I would threaten to start eating at your competitor’s restaurants, but who am I kidding…that’s not gonna happen. At this point, I think it’s pretty obvious the only way we can resolve this is if you send me a ton of coupons. There’s really no other solution.

2017-07-13T08:57:05+00:00 July 7, 2017|HUMOR|

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